After quarelling over cushion covers for 45 minutes, my dad decided to bring my mom out on a date. They are so gonna get punished when they get home. This is their, what, fourth date for the week. Discplinary action has to be taken. Or maybe I'm just jealous because Changmin is neglecting me.

Okay. My parents just called back, to inform us that there're meat buns in the refrigerator. I am SO PROUD of them. There they are, eating abalone as always, while my brother and I stay at home eating MEAT BUNS. Speaking of which, I'm hungry.

***

As promised.

*Music plays*

Good evening. This is your beautiful emcee, Joey. You may call me Mrs Shim. Let's take a look at our contestants, shall we?

Contestant 1, Yoochun! [bombarding applause, ground shakes] He's gonna kill you with that killer smile so say your last words.

Contestant 2, Junsu! [ear deafening screams, ceiling shakes] The cutest living thing ever. I tell you, you'll be willing to die just to hug him.

Contestant 3, Jaejoong! [everybody hyperventilates] Prepare your lightning rods as he discharges electrifying shock though his eyes.

Contestant 4, Yunho! [flowers thrown on stage, "I love you Yunho" heard from every corner of the auditorium] Grab a cup! His hotness is gonna melt you!

Contestant 5, Changmin! [applause until ground shakes and roof drops, flowers and money being thrown on stage, everybody faints on the spot]. Yes, thank you everybody for admiring my husband. Now, if you'll just wake up, we'll start on our competition.

DW (Director Whispers): Joey! You forgot to introduce contestant 6!

Oh yeah. Contestant 6, Shawn [silence]. Okay whatever.

*Drum rolls*

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
I BRING YOU, THE PHOTO COMPETITION BETWEEN THE SURE-WIN DBSK AND err contestant 6.

***


[Silence]

Contestant 6 when he was young. Title of the photo, Disgusting.

DW: Joey, I know you're honest. But please follow the script.

Fine. Title of the photo, Kiss Me. Oh my! Somebody is puking there! Medics, please do something about it thank you!

And yes, I did grayscaled his photo on purpose for the contrasting effects.

***


[Commotion and screamings]

Contestant 1, young and grown up. Title of photo...

Audience A [suddenly]: YOOCHUN KISS ME!
Audience B: AHHH KISS ME!

Hmm seems like everyone knows the title of this photo already. Kiss Me. Can you see the adorability beneath! The look of innocence, purity. Now stop pouting everybody.

***


[commotion, screamings, everybody runs towards the stage suddenly]

OH MY! CHANGMI...IN. Sorry I choked. Yes, this is our, sorry I meant MY, contestant 5. Title of photo....

Audience C [frantic]: CHANGMIN I WANT YOU!

Close enough. It's I Want Joey Food. Now everybody, after this competition, please send some food to his house yah? And then we'll all head to SM to bomb that company for starving dearest Changmin.

***


Err Contestant 6. Title of photo: My Bed Smells Nice.

***


[superloud screamings, several faintings]

WOOOH. Let me catch my breathing before we continue yeah. Meanwhile, paramedics do your job!

[20 minutes later, yes I take that long to breathe]

Okay this is contestant 2! Title of photo, Sleeping Beauty. I'm sorry but stop drooling everyone. We don't have draining facilities in this auditorium. At this rate, we'll all drown in 2 minutes. Enjoy.

***


[people standing up to stretch, some leaving for toilet break]

Contestant 6, Title of photo: Sunshine Smile.
Sure.

***


[people starts flying back from the toilet, one girl spotted strangling her partner out of excitement]

WOAHHHHH. Ahem. AH. Ahem. Ah yes. This is Contestant 1, with his photo "Have I Killed You". This is one of his famous killer smiles. If you're dead, please remove your own corpse out of the auditorium yourself, thank you.

~

Interval

~

Welcome back! Once again, this is your beautiful emcee, Mrs Shim. The second part of this competition is interesting. We'll have a photo spam, competing for the same title. Here we go!

***

I look good in specs


Contestant 6


Contestant 2


(sorry this was too wonderful to be resized)
Contestant 5


Contestant 3


Contestant 1


Contestant 3


Contestant 2


Contestant 2


Contestant 1


Contestant 2


Contestant 2


Contestant 4


Contestant 2


Contestant 1


Contestant 4


Contestant 3 (feat Contestant 4)

***

Yes I realise with one pathetic photo, Contestant SIX (courtesy of jo) has a low chance of winning. To all Shawn fans, I'm very very very sorry, but my source unfortunately does not have many photos. Thank goodness. Don't be sad, all you need to do is turn into a Cassiopeian instead. Trust me, it's good for your eyes.


See? I think my eyesight improved already.

To end off, we'll have some Yoosu to spice it up. Thank you everybody, this has been your beautiful emcee Mrs Shim. Feel free to give me money or food anyday, anytime, anywhere. Have a good evening and see you again.

*Music plays*









***

Photos' credits:
Jo
Yuxi
Sheena

Producer's words:
The winner of this competition is super obvious lah. But if you still want to compete/ challenge/ vote/ whatever, voice it out by all means. I'll produce a show SPECIALLY for you. Otherwise, accept the results and all hail dbsk.

*Music fades*

BEAT THAT SHAWN CHENG! You should never have started it, HA.